So 2010 has come to a quick end. But the usual madness that surrounds it hasn't. Towards the end of every year we are subjected to the same old things that we were subjected to the previous year. And the year before that and so on and on and on.
It starts with the year end TV specials, which are just reruns of everything you saw all through the year, repackaged into a back-to-back spectacular, along with all the movies that failed to make it at the box office. There's the mandatory day of laughter with Friends - a Star World tradition since the last five years at least. I wonder who still watches that sitcom. I also wonder who can really be friends with Monica.
Then we have the 'Best of' series - everything from videos and item numbers to celebrity wardrobe malfunctions and Salman's Being Inhuman moments are bundled into Top 10 lists by what looks like editing experts from Balaji Studios.
And just when you think you have seen enough, start the advertisements in newspapers promising you Dubai in Dadar Parsi Colony, Las Vegas at a bar in Lohar Chawl and Mardi Gras at Matunga. Making things worse are all those live performances that are repeatedly lip-synced every year by the usual item girls - Malaika Arora, Mallika Sherawat, Yana Gupta and Tushar Kapoor.
After the newspapers, you start getting the barrage of year end party smses. I'm guessing PR firms hire people with shaky hands, because I get the same message thrice at one go every day for two weeks. And just for the record, no, I do not want to be at the biggest party in town with DJ Kamlesh from Mombasa, belly dancers from Dharavi, unlimited Blaklabel & premium food till 5 am.
Friends soon start planning what to do. But not without asking everyone on their Facebook, Twitter, Gmail and LinkedIn accounts, as well as their neighbours, parents and the building watchman first. Then like every year, Bombay is divided into two - no, not North and South - Pro-Goa and Anti-Goa. One lot goes early and tries to find a secluded spot on the Southern most tip of Goa only to realize everyone they were avoiding has made it there before them. And the ones that stay back in Bombay panic in last-minute confusion trying to find something to do so that they don't have to spend it with Monica.
It's all the same. Every year. It starts with the usual forwarded messages and spam mail on January 1st. People will ask you about your new year resolutions throughout January. They'll ask you if you broke your new year resolutions throughout February. Then the question for March and April is "Where you going this summer?" Once people return from their vacations, the next three months are spent complaining about the rain and the heat that follows, before everyone's back to "So what you doing for New Year's Eve?" all over again.
Happy 2011 all. Hope you enjoyed reading this. Or else I'll just post it again at the end of next year.